List of Catastrophies

So listen to this.  Class has been done for a few weeks now. I was browsing through all my saved notes and papers and such from school and came across what you see a few lines below.  It was from English class.  I was an A student, so when the teacher tells the class to “peer review” each others’ papers, I get worried.  Why would I want a person flunking the class to be reviewing my paper.  As you would expect, I received the class clown for the peer review.  His was sitting on a solid D+ (I know because he told me), and he seemed quite proud of it, which I don’t understand.  He had a lot of feedback for me – grammar (to make it worse), new ideas (to go off topic), and even questions on the words I used (which he had to look up, but the average person would not).

I got my revenge without even trying.  Have a look at this:

  1. The author’s thesis is a one-sentence answer to the essay question.
  2. This thesis is one that a reasonable person might need to be convinced of.
  3. The introduction is worded in an odd way.  It needs to be made clearer.  The biggest issue is the first sentence.  The conclusion doesn’t really have anything to do with summing up the essay and bringing it to a close.  The conclusion needs to sum up the main points of each paragraph and tie everything together.  Lastly, I think the thesis needs to better address the essay question.  Currently, it talks about the aggressive nature of humans and the existence of a society where that is the case.
  4. Each paragraph has a main point, but not all of the paragraphs relate to the thesis.  There doesn’t seem to be much a transition between any of the paragraphs.  The ending idea of one paragraph should tie in to the starting idea of the next paragraph.
  5. The fourth paragraph is the most effective paragraph because it relates to the thesis.
  6. The weakest paragraph is the fifth paragraph because it is does not thoroughly explain the main point.  It needs more description and detail.
  7. The author uses some references, but he needs more of them.  Also, he needs to cite sources in APA format.
  8. The essay does not offer a critical analysis because the essay does not relate well to the thesis.
  9. I liked the forth paragraph because it made sense.
  10. Here are some errors:
  • 1st sentence- change “give” to “gives”
  • Thesis sentence- change “do to” to “due to”
  • The first paragraph’s topic sentence- Split it into 2 sentences after “affected” then say, “For example, according to the Darwinist theory,…”
  • 2nd paragraph (bottom)- change “posses” to “possess”
  • 2nd paragraph (bottom)- add comma after explains in this quote: “After Rousseau explains…”
    • APA format needs to be used in this essay.
    • This paper does not address all of the issues asked for in this essay.  It needs more sources too.

13.

  •       Use more sources and cite them in APA format
  •       Add a cover page to your essay (APA format in Hacker book)
  •       Change the introduction to better answer the essay question.  Then, change the essay to relate to the new thesis.
  •       Cite the lecture as a report from a private organization.
  •       Read through to see if the wording of the sentences makes sense.
  •       Look for grammatical errors with spell-checker.

Has anyone else ever had this happen?  Maybe next time, I’ll request a peer review from the teacher’s pet instead.  My sanity may fair better.